Entry #2: Stigma² = Leah! Full Disclosure

So I'm completely utilizing this opportunity for some legroom in our project to talk about something I've been meaning to delve into for a while: mental health. Normally I wouldn't write about it because I'm crippled by the fear of being judged or shamed for my diagnoses, but I'd rather face the music and go head-on than run away. 

Mental health is not something that should be tucked away under the rug anymore. Millions of people suffer from some mental illness every single day and it's a constant struggle that we all know how to hide too well. But you don't have to. What you feel is valid and it's okay to not be okay sometimes. 

Anyways, hi! I'm Leah, and I suffer from Borderpolar: a comorbid diagnosis of both Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder 1. The main reason why I don't comfortably talk about my diagnosis is because of the BPD aspect of it. To people that know what BPD is, it's assumed that we're abusive, manipulative, and unhinged due to our everchanging moods and impulsive behavior. It's not uncommon to be stigmatized like this and having bipolar on top is...a mess to put it simply. I found this article by Mark Zimmerman, MD, who is also a professor of psychiatry at Brown Medical School, and the way he explains it really just sums it up for me. Read up on it if you want to delve into it a little more!

I was diagnosed with BPD a year and a half ago, followed by Bipolar 1 in early November of the following year. 20% of patients who are diagnosed with either one first have the other, so it's not as uncommon as people might think. From the BPD I have a massive umbrella where other diagnoses reside as a result of it, including C-PTSD and GAD. Bipolar surfs that emotional dysregulation wave, basically. Abandonment issues and unstable relationships on top of the impulsive episodes and manic bursts equal, you guessed it, a goddamn mess.

From personal experience, the toughest part of this comorbidity is the BPD aspect. You hear people all the time talking about Bipolar and how these crazy manic episodes can be treated amongst other symptoms through medication and specific therapy, but with BPD it's not that simple. There's no medication to treat BPD directly because it's not a mood disorder like Bipolar; it's a personality disorder with co-occurring disorders such as depression and anxiety. 

So why am I telling you all of this?

I'm not sure, in all honesty. I think the point of me saying anything about the matter is to tell you that you're not alone. So many people struggle with the everyday battle with mental health without anyone else knowing. Acceptance is not easy to come by with these things, and society is really quick to turn against something they're not familiar with. But you're loved. And you're valid. And there's definitely hope for a better life. I'm living proof of it, and you are too, you just don't know it yet.

Stay sunny, Sunflower Socialites. Until next week!